


Armitage Hux is not an idiot

by Gamebird



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Complete, Gen, Kylo Ren is totally unimportant for this story, Negotiation actually works, No shipping, Poe gets prank called, Supreme Leader Armitage Hux, and everyone lived happily ever after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gamebird/pseuds/Gamebird
Summary: Kylo Ren has been ousted from the First Order. Sometime after TLJ, Rey and Finn are captured trying to steal information from the First Order and hauled in front of Supreme Leader Hux for his disposition. He has no intention of going the way of Snoke. He's smart. He's cool. He's calm and collected. He prank calls Poe repeatedly and wins at negotiation.





	Armitage Hux is not an idiot

Hux stared down at the prisoners whom Captain Phasma so proudly shoved to the floor in front of him. His upper lip curled as he smoothly rose to his feet. "FN-2187 … again." He tilted his head in chastisement. Still bleeding from some minor scalp wound, Finn said nothing. Hux looked at the other. "And … 'the girl'." Rey was in cuffs (as was FN-2187), but Hux knew that was hardly a deterrent to one of her abilities.

"Captain," Hux said, "please keep your blaster pointed directly at FN-2187." Rey's eyes darted to the side and her expression turned sullen.

"We've been through this before," Finn said. "You know how this is going to end."

Hux raised his brows and nodded. "It was supposed to end with you being dead, but-" He raised a finger towards Phasma, "do not pull that trigger until I give the order. Do you understand?"

There was a brief, heavy pause before Phasma said, "Yes sir."

Finn blinked a couple times. "So if I break free or spit on you, she'll just stand there?"

"Until I give the order," Hux confirmed. "Please don't spit on me. It's disgusting. You were trained better than that. What sort of bad habits have these filthy Rebels been teaching you?"

Finn didn't answer, so Hux squatted down in front of Rey, bringing himself to her level. "Now you, on the other hand, had no training at all from what I've been able to divine." He studied her features. She studied his. Finn watched anxiously from a few arm's lengths away.

"And yet my predecessor as supreme leader tried to assert that you, some wage-slave from Jakku," Hux's lips curled in deep, private amusement, "who was unarmed and in cuffs just as you are now, single-handedly killed Leader Snoke and all his highly trained guards, then topped it off by knocking out the Master of the Knights of Ren. Not harming him in any meaningful way. And leaving him armed. Before you got away." Hux blinked coyly at her.

Rey's lips turned inward just slightly as she bit at them.

Hux's smile broadened and the skin around the corners of his eyes crinkled. His humor was very genuine. In a stage whisper, Hux said, "He's never been a very good liar."

He stood and took a brief, equally theatrical strut around the front of the throne. He ended facing the two of them, equidistant between them. "FN-2187." Finn didn't answer. "Do you recall seeing holo-recordings of our interrogation sessions?"

"I won't break. You don't scare me."

Hux laughed easily. "That's not what I asked. You remember seeing them, though?" He waited, pointedly looking at Finn for an answer.

"Yes," Finn finally said, shooting Rey a glance like he couldn't believe the direction things were going. Rey was starting to look curious rather than angry.

"And that is," Hux said as though lecturing a child, "because we always record our interrogation sessions! It doesn't make much sense not to. There's so much information a person might gain from reviewing such later on."

Hux looked over at Rey, letting his voice shift to normal. "Especially when you might want to piece together the events that led to the destruction of Starkiller Base. Or when there's an investigation opened concerning a stormtrooper who walked off from his post and let you escape. Leader Snoke himself was concerned about that!" Hux's voice took on a tone of false concern. "Of course I looked into it personally!"

Rey swallowed noisily. Finn looked at her nervously. Her eyes were fixed on Hux now.

"Just as I had to look into matters following Leader Snoke's own untimely demise." He took a measured step closer to her. She craned her head to look up at him. Finn shifted restlessly. One of the troopers moved forward to grab him roughly by the shoulder and hold him in place. Phasma moved to the side, keeping a clear line of shot.

Hux glanced around patiently, waiting until everyone was settled. Then he looked down at Rey. "You know there was a court martial. You know Kylo Ren broke free and escaped, preventing the execution he so well deserved. We're tracking him even now, but he's very slippery."

Hux slowly rubbed his hands together. "In my investigations, I saw your arrival in the hangar bay. I saw your conversation with him in the elevator. I saw your departure from the Supremacy. He seemed quite smitten with you. Does that relationship continue?"

Rey swallowed again.

"What?" Finn said quietly, looking over at her.

Hux glanced over at him. "You didn't know? Interesting." He looked back to Rey. He squatted down again and said quietly, "The obvious thing for me to do here is to use you as bait. Kylo Ren will come back to save you. I'll trap him. Then we'll kill both of you."

"What?" Finn said, trying to shrug off the trooper holding him. "No!"

"Or all three of you, rather," Hux amended. "But I keep thinking about finding Snoke dead, in pieces, at the base of his throne, with his guards scattered around him. There, at the very seat of his power, with all his abilities in the Force, he was murdered. Assassinated. It was so unfortunate." Hux continued to squat there for a moment, looking lost in thought. "I'm not interested in dying that way. Did you know that?"

Rey blinked a few times and made a tiny shake of her head. It was the first intentional communication she'd made.

He stood and moved away, pacing in a circle again. "So here's what we're going to do. You're going to take your cuffs off – don't pretend to me that you can't – the only reason you're a prisoner is because you're concerned someone will kill your companion there. You'll be my guest and if you're polite, you can be an honored guest. Otherwise, I'll stick you in a hole where you can be bored but safe until I work things out. In the meantime, your companion will be held hostage. We'll torture him if you misbehave and kill him if you won't cooperate. I'm not asking you to cooperate with much so it should be easy."

Hux stopped pacing in front of both of them. "I'll contact the Resistance and see what they'll offer for your lives. You've been foolish enough to let yourselves get caught. I'm not letting you go without remuneration. Then, when you're back on the other side, you'll remember my mercy and," he looked pointedly at Rey, "keep your boyfriend out of the First Order's business! I don't know if he understands honor, but I never took him as a Rebel sympathizer. It's telling that he hasn't joined your band of misfits even yet. That he killed Snoke is only proof of how implacable he will be if I eliminate you."

Hux looked back and forth between the two of them. "Will you cooperate with this plan, or do I need to have you both kept in medical comas for the duration of it?"

Rey's handcuffs clicked and released, falling noisily from her wrists. All of the stormtroopers shifted, blasters moving uneasily. Only Phasma and Hux stood unmoved. Even Finn turned, looking rapidly at the other troopers. Rey got to her feet, every inch a queen. The stormtrooper who was supposed to keep her still seemed frozen in place. And still, Hux made no motion to Phasma to indicate she needed to act. Rey told him, "We have a lot to talk about. First and foremost,  _Finn_  is not to be harmed." She said his name clearly.

Hux tilted his head slightly. "I can offer that 'Finn' be kept safe from malice or abuse. But if he causes trouble, any injuries sustained are on him, not me."

"Agreed." Rey looked over at Finn. "Get up."

Finn started to. Hux gave a shake of his head and the trooper holding him kept Finn on his knees. Hux said, "He's still my prisoner. I'll give the orders here." Rey glared at Hux, but said nothing. Hux turned to Phasma. "Captain? Have him removed, medically evaluated, treat anything that's not superficial, and confine him to the brig under constant observation. Be gentle."

"Yes sir." Finn was hoisted to his feet. He shot Rey a surprised, half-pleased look as he was hauled away. This was a wildly better outcome than most of the ones he'd been imagining. Phasma left with four troopers. The other five stayed with Rey.

Hux turned to one of them and said, "Get lunch for both of us. The rest – wait at the door." To Rey, he said, "What do you think you're worth to the Resistance? Do you think they'd surrender in exchange for your release?"

"No."

"You're the last student of Luke Skywalker, are you not?"

"I met him once. He didn't teach me much."

"Oh? Hm." Hux was unconvinced. "How is Master Skywalker these days?"

"You know," she said. "Kylo told you."

"Did he? You keep up with what he's told me?" She was silent. "I know he was in communication with you. Since I hadn't been able to determine how, my working theory is that it was through the Force." She said nothing. "And so you confirm it." Rey looked off to the side uneasily. Hux smiled thinly. "Help me. Give me a reasonable starting price. I can't just hand you over for a song."

"Why not? If you're afraid of what Kylo will do to you," the name was unfamiliar in her mouth, "then the faster you send me away, the better for you."

"No, that's not true. As long as I have you safe and well-treated, then Ren would run a considerable risk if he tried to free you. If I caught wind of his attempt before he finished it, then I would have the option of harming you. There are many things I can do rather than kill you. If he feels towards you as I suspect, then he wouldn't like any of those options. It would be smarter for him to keep his distance unless you were in imminent danger. Which you are not, let me reassure you."

Rey frowned at him.

"Why were you on my ship? What were you attempting to do?" She didn't answer. "You seem to have been trying to pull information from the central database. Jump coordinates, I think. Because 'Finn' would know the names of the planets he's been to, but not necessarily how to get to them. The Order is very protective of our base worlds. They're important. If the Resistance could get to them, they could sabotage our supply lines. Is that what you're thinking?"

Rey sighed. "I don't know what you expect me to say."

"Hm. Not much as of yet, but at least we're talking. I want to do more of that. Will you indulge me?"

* * *

A few hours later, Hux waited while the various checks and cross-checks and signals were exchanged as the comm officers set things up. As was obvious from Finn and Rey's mere presence on his star destroyer, they had their own ship parked nearby, out of sensor range but close enough to call for extraction. That ship could forward their signals on to wherever the Resistance was holed up. But it took a while to get everyone to agree to it. Finally, the line picked up. A rather hesitant male voice came through, the vocal equivalent of peeking carefully around a corner. "Yeah?"

"Mister Dameron?"

The hesitancy dropped. " _General_ Dameron these days, Hugs. You wound me."

"That is a terrible first impression to give, isn't it? I have called to thank you for your generosity in returning my wayward stormtrooper FN-2187 and the escaped prisoner, Rey Scavenger. That was so unexpected! I wanted to extend my heartfelt appreciation for the gesture. I can only assume they were a burden to you. I assure you that I'll take care of the situation once and for all for both of us. I hope this new spirit of cooperation between us can be expanded to other issues. Feel free to call me whenever you have ideas on future collaboration. Good day." He signed off, having never paused to allow Poe a word in edgewise.

Hux waited patiently. Minutes passed. About eight minutes in, the expected return communication came through. He opened the line and said nothing. Poe's voice said, "Hey. We both know you didn't call to gloat. Let's talk this over."

"No. At least half of that was gloating." Hux chattered on quickly. "It was very satisfying. Thank you for listening. I feel much better about things. It gives me a clear conscience to make the decisions that need to be made." He clicked off the channel again.

This time it was only four minutes, followed by a dozen or so long seconds of silence after Hux opened the line. He could hear the smile in Poe's voice when he finally said, "Are you going to hang up on me again?"

"Maybe." There was a second long silence, but this time Hux broke it. "Okay, not right now. Let's get to business. I have your two infiltrators. They're unharmed as of yet, but my only use for them is in a show execution preceded by some flowery speeches about the evils of the Resistance. We're doing rather well in taking over the galaxy, as I'm sure you know, which means I wouldn't gain much of anything out of it. Maybe some fleeting sense of satisfaction. I was thinking I should see if you could offer me something better, but it's difficult to work out what to ask of a group such as yours. I was wondering if you had any ideas."

"You could release them right now. We'll take care of it."

"Out an airlock? Sounds like a waste of air."

"Ah, General Hux, we both know you wouldn't have called me if you were going to kill them."

"It's 'Leader' actually. I appreciate the attempt at respect. And the intelligence."

"Okay. That's kind of a weird title, 'Leader'."

"I could append 'Supreme' to it. That's the formal title. Seems pompous though."

"It is." Poe chuckled.

"Then stick with Leader."

"Okay. But my point stands and you've admitted as much."

"Very well. You see through me. I'll find something to do with them myself." Hux clicked off the channel.

Poe called back immediately. Hux answered immediately. "That was fast."

Poe said, "Yeah, I know. I don't know what's up with the connection. It's really bad. Did you guys forget to pay your bills or something?"

"Oh no. No. I hung up. I thought we were done talking. You think I won't kill them so you're not offering anything." Hux laughed. "That's delightful. But there's nothing else to talk about then."

"You want me to extradite them, is that it?"

"Yes." Hux's next words were delivered with emphasis: " _But you have to make it worth it to me_."

Poe sighed audibly. "What do you want? We don't have money. Or ships. At least not in the scale that would interest someone like you. I guess I could go capture a couple high-ranking First Order stooges and we could trade. Is that what you want?"

In a tone of amazement, Hux said, "I don't think I have any who are worth as much as Rey is."

Poe was silent.

Hux said, "That's why I called. What do I do with someone like her? Do I demand that you surrender unilaterally? I'm not an idiot. I know what she's worth. Your full surrender and the end of the Resistance would be within a reasonable ask. She is unharmed as of yet. We ate lunch together just an hour ago. She is comfortable but annoyed and I am doing my best to make sure she never wants to join you again. Now if you want to interrupt that process, then we need to come to an arrangement."

"What process? What are you doing to her?"

"I am plying her with ice cream and soft music. She's from Jakku. What do you think I'm doing to her?"

There was silence on the other end of the line.

Hux sighed. "She's not being tortured, if that's what you're concerned about."

"Okay. Good. I guess I appreciate that."

"You're welcome. Now what are you offering?"

"… Me."

Now it was Hux's turn to be silent. Finally, he said, "Just you? With the whole of the Resistance still a thorn in my side?"

"We could agree to a cease fire for a little while."

"I suggest forever."

"No, no. You guys are a problem for a lot of the galaxy. We're fighting you for reasons. Things like this."

"Really? I negotiate so poorly you've organized a military movement to oppose me? I need to take that up with my advisors!"

"Well, maybe not this. Is she really okay? And Finn? Can I see them?"

"You can't see them at the moment, but they are both alive, well, and in custody."

"Okay. If you can give me some proof of that, then we can talk about the cease fire."

"Before we even bother discussing a cease fire, you'll need to give me some proof you can do it – especially if you, the person who made the promise, has surrendered to me. Won't the rest just go back to fighting and tell me to take it up with your corpse?"

"That's a good point," Poe conceded. "Maybe you shouldn't kill me."

"And?"

"The thing is, you guys are making a lot of people miserable in the galaxy. Even if everyone currently in the Resistance were to hang it up and head home, there are others who will take up arms tomorrow. So we might keep our word, but there will still be people resisting you. How do you tell the difference?"

"Is there some way to make these people join the Order? With proper training, some of them might make an acceptable adjunct police force."

"Are you serious? Have the Resistance join the Order?"

"Yes. Why not?"

"Because the Resistance is not interested in oppressing people!"

"You seem to have a lot of opinions about this which I'd like to hear more about. Here's my offer – pick yourself and a half dozen others in the leadership of the Resistance and surrender yourselves to me in three days. We'll discuss things."

"Are you going to kill us?"

There was a long pause. Hux said, "That's not my intention."

Poe hesitated as well. "So what you're saying is that you want to meet with the Resistance on a diplomatic level, showing us the same respect that you'd show to an organized government."

"More or less."

"But you're not giving us any assurances that you won't space us if we can't come to an agreement."

"I will promise you that if you and six appropriate envoys from the Resistance arrive as scheduled, that I will release Rey and Finn unharmed. We will then discuss in good faith the problems that have caused the Resistance to come into being, the reasons why the First Order is trying to wipe them out, and attempt to find a mutually beneficial solution acceptable to both of us.

"I would expect to have you available for and cooperative with similar discussions with other members of the First Order for up to three months. At the end of that, if we seem to have found common ground, then you will be released. If you refuse to cooperate at any point in the process, then your life and possibly those of the other envoys, is forfeit."

"So you're not going to just kill us?"

"No."

"Do I have anything other than your promise to go on?"

"I will allow you a one minute conversation with Rey and the same with Finn."

"You're calling him Finn."

"Is that not his current name?"

"No, it's just … you're calling him Finn."

"Respect goes both ways, General. I have arrangements to make. I will sign off and contact you in an hour after setting up the calls with Rey and Finn. Is that agreeable?"

"Um …" Poe breathed out heavily. "Yeah. Sure."

Hux cut the channel.

* * *

_Rey and Ben, and Finn and Rose, all lived happily ever after and had nothing more to do with the First Order, the Resistance, or how the two organizations finally managed to see eye-to-eye and establish a galactic government that everyone could live with._

The End.


End file.
